5-8 Revision Blog post TGM



After looking over my partner's and Ms. Guarino's remarks for my paper, I found common suggestions that I should try to restructure my paper through more of the perception of Jim instead of Laura. This is by far the biggest correction I will have to make in my paper. Many times while  writing my paper, I questioned myself the same thing. Often times I felt as if I was writing from Laura's perspective instead of Jim's. I think this stemmed from my strong knowledge of Laura's character, and my lesser knowledge of Jim. I think it was hard for me to write in Jim's perspective because we were introduced to him late in the play. Also throughout the play there is not a lot of background information on Jim. Jim is made out to be the man that Laura had a crush on in high school, and is supposed to be very successful according to her. We learn a little more about Jim throughout the play, but we don't know as much about him as we do about Laura.


One other improvement I can make to my paper is that I seemed to carry ideas out longer than they should be. Ms. Guarino suggested in her comments for me to simply "sum up" a lot of the points I was arguing, and not to get to redundant. I feel like this was definitely visible in the literary analyze and quotes. This is where I did tended to state my interpretation of the quotes which pretty much could be interpreted by the original lines of the play. I could take out a lot of those explanations and replace them with more important cited evidence to help prove my thesis statement.


Another area where I seemed to struggle was sticking to my scene without referencing past events in the play. Helen pointed out that while reading my paper she felt as if I was referring to the entire story instead of my particular scene. I can see now in some weak spots of my essay I definitely did refer to past events that did not take place in my scene. This can easily be fixed by revising those out and adding more quotes from the scene in order to satisfy the word count limit and further support my thesis. I also lost some easy points in my MLA citations. However, these will most likely be the easiest fixes I have to work on to improve my paper.

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